16 years ago, in the fall, when I was 20 (oh so so so so young!) I started a friendship with my best friend in college -- I'll call him SM. Completely not his initials, but it works. The friendship I had with SM was special. There was a bond between us pretty much instantly. And that quickly led to an attraction as well. I would definately say that SM and I were soul mates. That is the cheesiest thing to say, but it's true. I won't bore you with the entire sordid story, but things never could work out for us to be more than friends. We had two great years of friendship at college, but it seemed like about ten -- we were more than friends, but still just friends at the same time. A few years after graduation, we got together once for dinner and a movie at his place. The same attraction was there... the same friendship was there... and the same ending occurred. SM and I kissed one time (in the fall!!) when we were 20 and never again. I realize every-so-often that I still love him. And that my friends... is weird. For some reason I am especially mourning the loss of what could have been (and really, should have been) with SM right now.
10 years ago, in the fall, I saw an ex for the first time in several years. E and I had dated very briefly a few years earlier... still ran with the same group of mutual friends we'd always had, but didn't really cross paths too much. We ended up at the same Halloween party 10 years ago and discovered that we were both single and interested. We dated for only a year, and really weren't a match, but still this memory of that getting back together is bittersweet for me. Adding this to my memories of SM I wonder why I'm remembering and feeling so much loss for these old memories. Must be my youth I'm missing!!
And my last memory is also from 10 years ago. In November 1999 I went with my grandma to Seattle for my cousin's wedding. My grandma was 85 and hadn't ever been to the ocean. And, it was only her second time on an airplane. I don't have the writing talent to explain how awesome that trip with my grandma was. We drove with my aunt and uncle to the "real" ocean (not just the sound) and grandma told stories the entire way. She always was a storyteller, but for some reason I can especially remember that car ride vividly -- maybe because she was so carefree and happy. We went to the top of the space needle and ate dinner in the restaurant -- she LOVED it. It was just such a nice week to spend with my grandma. She and I were always tremendously close, and that trip to Seattle was another special memory since it was created when I was an adult.
My grandma is still alive -- 95 years old! But, she hasn't been aware of reality since she was 91 or 92. I am going to see her this weekend -- the first time in a year -- and this makes me realize even more just how much I love her. She was such an influence in my life -- just the best grandma a kid could ever hope for. After seeing her last fall, I was so upset that I didn't plan to visit her again. But, I am going again because I need to get her fingerprint. I found the coolest necklace that I am going to get made. I also realize that I need another visit with my grandma. I hope I don't leave in tears like I did last year, but I will be so happy to have the necklace and to give her one more kiss.
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