Some good, some bad, but no ugly

Boy oh boy, when I wait this long between posts I sure do miss a lot. So, here are some snippets:

The Teenager is now a driving fool. Once we forced her to drive she got more confidence and didn't look back. I was really proud of her when we went to take her driving test. She and I went together and ended up waiting in line for a few hours (busy day I guess!) but that was some fun bonding time and it also gave her a chance to watch others test and get comfortable. She had a really awesome attitude, basically just saying "If I fail I fail. I'll try again." I was really impressed with her maturity and confidence and lack of drama! But, she passed with no problems, and now is enjoying borrowing the car whenever she can! I really can't say enough about how impressed I am with this whole turn of events from scardy-cat to confident driver.

Ok, that was the good. Now for the bad:

Mr. Jill and I are finally breaking up. It's been years of ups and downs and coming close to this, but we are at a point where I really do think this will be it. And in the end this is what should happen. We just aren't great together. We have managed over ten years of working together as a family and household, but deep down we don't fit together as well as we did for the first several years of our relationship. I'm heartbroken for The Teenager. My parents divorced when I was 19 and it was very difficult for me I think because of my age. I'm doing everything I can to avoid having this mess things up for The Teenager.

Separating our two lives is going to be darn near impossible and I don't really know how we'll accomplish it.

I own the house and he says he's planning to move out and get a place of his own. I understand this and in a perfect world, this is the best thing to occur. But, he cannot afford a place of his own. I can manage the house and expenses on my income alone, but he can't do his own thing on just his income. Why should I care? I need to work on NOT caring.

We own two cars and both are in both of our names - what do we do there? Not a huge issue I know but irritating to have to deal with.

I am going to need to put on my big girl britches and deal with owning a house on my own. I know I'm capable of it but it is so easy to sit back and let Mr. Jill (hmmm... I'll have to come up with a different name) handle things like mowing the lawn and shoveling snow and snowblowing the driveway and changing headlights in the car and well, all of that guy stuff.

In the end I KNOW this will make me happier. I am not happy with him and he is not happy with me. We've hung on this long because it has been the easy way out. We have worked together to raise an awesome daughter and I don't see any reason why this part of our lives won't continue to be positive.

Even taking the time to type this post has made me just a teeny tiny bit less freaked out about this. I know that once we get to the other side of this, life will be better. I am so grateful for the stable, secure job that I have so that I can manage a household on my own. I know I can do this I just have to stop having those occasional moments when I wonder if I WANT to do this. Because I do want this in the end.... I do.