Holy moly my brain is getting a workout with this whole breaking up thing. My feelings and emotions are kind of running the gamut.
I am excited to start a new phase in my life. Excited to be single again and have my house to myself. Excited to be independent again.
I'm scared too for many of those same reasons. Scared to be in this big house all by myself. My neighborhood is safe and there are lots of nosy neighbors, but I still have always been nervous about living alone. Before Jeff and I got together I lived with roommates for all but one year of my single life, and I hated that year. So, maybe I'll look into getting a roommate, but I doubt it since I am not 25 anymore, and I don't know if I can put up with that. I'm difficult!
I'm also in denial to an extent too. I find myself first of all completely forgetting that Jeff and I have broken up and that he is moving out. And even when I remember that he's moving out I still am in a bit of denial. I think it'll be like this until it's done and I'm sitting here in a house all myself.
And, of course just for even measure I'm also sad. Not crying until I have a headache sad (although that may come later when the house is empty), but just sad. Of course that's normal though - duh!!! This is over ten years of my life down the tubes in a single flush.
Some of my ten most fertile years too I might add. Which brings me to some more emotions such as uncertainty and panic. Now that I know I'm going to be single and since I am 38 I am going through this whole "well I should figure out how to have a baby by myself" thing. Good Lord what else should I pack on here? Like I need to decide this now!!!!
Ok so I babble. I'll cut it off here because my brain is bringing me everywhere.
One question I did have from my one reader (hi Kori) was what is going to happen with The Teenager. The plan is that she'll be here with me and at Jeff's place with him but who knows how the time will be split. Basically, everyone considers her to be my daughter even though I didn't birth her - but still we'll see what happens once the move occurs.
Oh, and as far as the move goes, it'll be in 3-4 weeks, so we're all still living here as a "family." So far Jeff and I are getting along just fine. Please let that continue!!
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Hi! ha ha. I find myself grabbing onto the one thing here that should be the LEST of it all, but you are not too old to have a baby; hell, I am 39 almost 40, and I love it. I think it is ok to have that thought in the back of your mind, so that if the opportunity presents itself, you can make a decision. That sounds like I mean someone will pick you up in a bar and you will have drunken sex and end up with a baby (oh, wait, am I talking about YOU or ME? HA!), but I don't mean it that way, just-don't close that door yet.
As for the rest, well, I think that the roller-coaster of emotions is normal, and I also think that denial, to a point, is a good thing-becuase if we knew, ANY of us, what the furture was going to be like, we would never ever make changes. I think we have to sort of push some of it aside in order to keep moving forward, if that makes sense.
thanks for explaining about the teenager; I hope it ends up being a positive for ALL of you!
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