He doesn't live here anymore

Well, Jeff has moved out. Not completely because there are still odds and ends that he is working on packing, but he moved into his house on the 22nd.

I’m happy and I’m sad. More than anything I am fighting an unbelievable urge to yell for him to stop it and come back. The tricky part about this whole thing is that we love each other. Neither one of us stopped loving the other – we did stop LIKING each other though. So we both frequently have to struggle with how strange this whole breaking up thing feels.

My mind repeatedly thinks through the same reminders about how we do not work as a couple. We might work as a semi-couple (just made that up). By this I mean how things could be if we lived separately and didn’t have to interact for the “messy” parts of life like sharing a household and general behavior. It is much easier to manage my life without having Jeff in it – bills are my deal and I don’t have to consider him, I can eat whatever I want to for dinner, etc. There are things less easy as well without Jeff – I have to shovel the sidewalk, I have to mow the lawn, I have to figure out how to fix leaky things, etc. But the good is now outweighing the bad. Before we broke up, the bad had the upper hand.

So I remind myself of this good outweighing the bad thing. Telling myself not to forget how it sucked. I have to remind myself a lot.